Miscarriage: the self guilt and shame!

Miscarriage.. a word that people don't like to use. It's become a taboo topic I guess, but why?

Well now I'm going to talk about it, and it's sad that I'm doing so from a personal point of view. I now kind of understand why people don't like to talk about it, I haven't told very many people about mine. One reason is shame that my body failed me, another is worrying others will think I crave pity, and overall just because it's a sad subject and I don't want to make anyone feel awkward if I tell them. In fact, some of my closest friends and family may be finding out by reading this post and I'm sorry that I can't tell you to your face but this just is my way of dealing with it and avoiding that awkwardness.

A couple of months ago we decided we were going to try for another baby, it's no secret that our first born, Martha wasn't planned. She was a surprise, but a very happy surprise. We never once regretted that I fell pregnant, and I guess we were lucky that the one time we 'slipped up' I actually conceived as it's not easy to time it right and do so. I feel more lucky about that now that we've been trying for 6 months to conceive again and haven't had much luck.

One month after trying I had that feeling again, I just knew I was pregnant. Just like with Martha, I knew before any test told me. Your body changes, and there's that instinct. Only this time round I had experienced it all before so I was more sure than previously. I was so happy, excited, emotional, but I didn't want to get too excited until the test had confirmed it. I took 8 pregnancy tests for Martha with negative results before having 8 positives afterwards, all because I knew the test was wrong and that I was right. So I was waiting to do that all over again before I told Joe. Even though I was waiting for that positive, I let excitement take over and I ordered a 'Big Sister' t-shirt for Martha to wear, this is how I was going to tell Joe, just let him spot it casually. I'm not sure if I'm superstitious or not, and I know it's so silly to say, and buying an item of clothing didn't cause a miscarriage, but part of me tells myself I jinxed it by buying that top too early, I tempted fate, and that's one part of the self blame I mentioned above. Fast forward a couple of days and before the test could tell me I was pregnant, and before Martha ever got to wear that top, and before Joe ever knew I was pregnant, I suddenly had awful pains, like the worst period pain I've ever had, I went to the toilet to be shocked with lots of blood and a few big clots. I won't go into gory details, but it wasn't pretty. I knew it was bad as it wasn't my time of the month just yet so I made an urgent appointment at the doctors where they confirmed I'd had a miscarriage. When the doctor told me, I took it pretty well, he seemed so casual about it that it kind of rubbed off on me that it was just 'one of those things' as he so kindly put it. He'd told me that most women wouldn't even know they were pregnant at this stage and if I'd have not known my body so well then I never would have known I'd had a miscarriage.

The same day of the miscarriage I was supposed to have a client, and I cancelled last minute, I told them I was ill. To this day they still don't know the reason I cancelled, and I still feel so guilty for lying, but at the time I couldn't possibly tell them the truth as I felt embarrassed. It's rare I'll cancel a session, but on this particular day I just needed to. I'm never going to name names so I feel it's okay to say that this client wasn't happy, they gave me a lot of grief for cancelling, and demanded a refund with the offer of court if I didn't send the deposit back within 24 hours. I of course refunded immediately and moved on and haven't heard from them since. I still feel terrible and looking back I question why I didn't just do the session, photography is my happy place after all and maybe it would have helped take my mind off things.. I obviously wasn't thinking straight.

I texted Joe confirming the sad news, I couldn't bare to tell him to his face, which is yet another thing I feel guilty about and wish I'd have done differently. But here is where more shame kicks in, I felt like I'd let him down, we agreed to have a baby and I couldn't give him that, I didn't dare tell him to his face that my body had failed me. I don't know what I expected him to say or do but he was just there for me, and he didn't blame me at all like I blamed myself. When he got home from work I acted like I was fine, he knew I was upset but he also knows I keep myself to myself when I'm sad and I'll talk when I want to, usually in writing it down, which is what I'm doing now, 5 months on.

We agreed we'd just keep trying, and when it was 'meant to be' it would be. Yet I haven't fallen pregnant again since and all of these thoughts are coming back. My body is letting me down again, I'm not giving us a child and it's only me that can do it, our time is running out, and again it's the guilt and the shame. Everyone keeps commenting on how it's time to think about baby number 2, or asking when we're going to have another. I joke and say something like 'oh I don't know, probably not yet' when really I'm so hurt inside thinking "I'm trying, trust me, I'm trying, and I'm failing". I've taken a lot of tests in the last couple of months, not because I thought I was pregnant, but just because I'm holding out hope. They've been negative each time, and each time I wonder why I do this to myself when I'm just setting myself up for disappointment. Every time mother nature makes an appearance, it's a punch in the gut.

The reason I'm writing this is because I've actually been okay about the miscarriage, I took the doctors advice of it being a common thing and that the average woman wouldn't have known. And I kept reminding myself I didn't actually see the positive pregnancy test, I didn't see the scan and I didn't hear the heartbeat, therefore I'd convinced myself that I wasn't actually pregnant as I didn't have the hard evidence. I told myself there's people out there who lose a baby so much later on and how much worse that must feel. My baby wasn't even a baby yet, it was nothing. I basically just tried to justify it and I moved on after shedding a few tears. It's only now, 5 months down the line where I'm actually feeling really sad about the situation, I cried properly for the first time about it yesterday, like ugly cried out loud. It hit me that I'd be 20 weeks pregnant now, I'd be half way, I'd have a good sized bump, I'd know the gender, and I'd be telling everyone the news with a great pregnancy announcement. It'd be a really happy time for us as a family, and we're not celebrating anything, because I lost that baby.

I'm still blaming myself, even though I know deep down it wasn't my fault, I just can't help it. I had a meal out with my Dad the night before it happened, and he didn't know I thought I was pregnant and ordered me a glass of wine. I only had a couple of sips so it didn't look suspicious and even to this day I'm blaming it on that. I'll never forgive myself for that. Even though I know you're allowed to drink occasionally during pregnancy, I can't help but think it was those few sips of rosè that caused my body to do this to me. I wonder if it's something I ate, or didn't eat. Did I eat healthy enough in those few weeks? I always skip breakfast, and often lunch, did I not provide enough nutrients to keep a baby alive? I could go on and on, I really could.

I feel embarrassed saying this, like I'm wallowing in self pity, like I'm dragging up the past when it's old news, l feel awkward bringing it up when the moment has passed. I don't want any reaction from it, I don't need comforting, I'm fine, I just needed to get it out, as a way of release. I wanted other women to know that if you feel like this, you're not alone. I'm sure I'm not the only one feeling this way. Miscarriage shouldn't be a subject we shy away from, some of my closest friends have had miscarriages, so many of my clients have, it's actually very common, yet no one wants to tell people but when you do start talking you realise how many others have shared this experience. I will openly talk about personal things to anyone who wants to, I often have deep chats with my clients during sessions if they're comfortable doing so.. and it helps. You realise you're not actually alone in feeling the way you do, and you can be there for eachother. Sometimes people can't understand unless they've been there themselves, but sometimes you may have to be the first to say it for them to say "me too". A little fact I discovered which is very comforting, and if you've suffered a loss then I hope it also brings you comfort to know that your baby's DNA will always live inside of you, the fetal cells in your bones, liver, lungs and other organs from your pregnancy often go on to turn themselves into muscle cells to make your heart and other organs stronger after birth. It's quite fascinating when you read up on it. So even though they’re not here, your babies will always be a part of you which is amazing. And remember, even though they were never born, you're still a Mummy, and always will be.

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Sarah Rest


We had a newborn photo shoot with Jade, our little 2 weeks old baby girl certainly made her work for it! Jade is so patient, creative and passionate about her work. She made us feel so welcome incorporating things personal to us, her studio is so well set up and even tho our daughter was awake for the majority of the session we weren’t made to feel rushed and left feeling totally relaxed which I wasn’t expecting at all! The finished prints are just too adorable for words and an amazing memory for us to treasure. Thanks so much Jade - you’re a genius!

Amit Odera


We first used inspirique for our daughter 1st birthday cake smash photo shoot, and I must say the service and photos taken have been excellent. Most recently Jade took photos of our sons cake smash, and again she has gone above and beyond with presentation and the picture are brilliant. We have recommend inspirique to friends and family, and we can’t wait for the next shoot.

Amit Odera


We first used inspirique for our daughter 1st birthday cake smash photo shoot, and I must say the service and photos taken have been excellent. Most recently Jade took photos of our sons cake smash, and again she has gone above and beyond with presentation and the picture are brilliant. We have recommend inspirique to friends and family, and we can’t wait for the next shoot.

Emily Martin

Jade at Inspirique was truly professional whilst being informal and making myself and my son feel very relaxed to create natural and amazing photos we will treasure forever! We loved the shoot and the time flew by and we could not be happier with the prints created! Jade was natural and caring with our son who was extra delicate as our shoot was a week before his due date as he arrived early. It was very easy to book and Jade was flexible in arranging times that were convenient to both! Jade went above and beyond for us as a family and we will be returning for further shoots in the future! Amazing!

Emma Platneur


Wow, just wow!!! I am a Mummy of four and after having my last daughter Effie, I finally decided to a have a newborn shoot after seeing Jade’s amazing work. I was not disappointed!!! Not only does Jade provide amazing photography but she makes the whole experience extremely enjoyable and special. Effie was only a few weeks old when we ventured over as a family 6. Effie was handled with care and love and Jade had this magical ability to keep her calm and content throughout the session. Jade was also kind and patient enough to take a picture of all four of our children (literally a genius!!). The way in which our images were displayed for us to choose from was beautiful, personal (and emotional). Everything is done with care. We love our prints and can not recommend Inspirique enough.


I was really worried about venturing out so soon after my son was born. In fact I regretted booking the session because I wasn’t up to getting out of the house. But I mustered up the courage in the end and did it, and I’m so glad I did. Jade was brilliant with my son and you can tell she’s so comfortable with handling new borns. And despite the heat, she did everything she could to keep all of us comfortable!!! The photos came out beautifully. Would definitely visit again!!

Ashee Bathia


Would highly recommend Jade at Inspirique for a new born photoshoot. She’s very professional, very patient and fantastic at what she does! No regrets whatsoever!

Mack Falconetti

As a bloke I turned up where my mrs told me to go. I was not sure what to expect with the shoot. Jade was very welcoming and great with our son Theo. She was very professional and easy going. We bought some of our own props and Jade was happy to use them in the pictures, they turned out great! Even my son weeing on Jade's camera didn't phase her. Men be aware the shoot is long... bring plenty of snacks and something to read... But there's plenty of tea and coffee on the tap. The pictures are definitely worth it... thanks Jade!

Krishna Gorania

I’ve recently given birth to my first and I really wanted someone to capture my precious baby in his first few weeks, all Mother’s say time flies by so quick and before you know it they are all grown up. Jade was recommended to me by a family member, I’d seen the great pictures she had taken of my Niece already. I was quite nervous about someone posing my baby who was only 10 days at the time but boy am I glad I had the pictures taken.. Jade was amazing! Before the shoot I received an email containing all the information I needed to know about the day. On the day I felt so comfortable with the shoot, Jade was so great with him, she stopped to let me feed him and didn’t rush me at all, she wasn’t bothered about the wee and pooh everywhere during the shoot either.

I’ve now seen the images from the day, I had initially planned to only buy the basic package but the images were so amazing I purchased them all along with a framed canvas! Thanks Jade!!!

Rowena Goonetilleke


I had always wanted to do a photo shoot with my newborn but as my pregnancy wasn’t as smooth sailing, I didn’t have the heart to book something in advance. Then once he was born i really wanted a photo shoot and realised he was approaching 6 weeks already by then! I contacted inspirique and they fitted me in the next day! Jade was very professional, clearly having handled new born babies. Her patience was amazing! Baby even managed to do a poop in studio but she took this in her stride! It was an enjoyable few hours and our images are dotted around the house as a reflection of our experience and the quality work! Thank you Jade!

Sarah Wilkinson

Jade did a fantastic job on our daughters newborn shoot. She's so determined to get that perfect shot. nothing is ever too much trouble she was brilliant with my two girls too. Would highly recommend!

Lottie Swift

Jade has been amazing from start to finish! We booked our shoot when our little girl was a week old and she still managed to juggle things around to get us in for the newborn shoot. I have just been to the viewing session and the photos are amazing! Totally fallen in love and would recommend to anyone! Thank you Jade for also being so accommodating! Anyone who is thinking of having a session I would definitely do so!

Samantha Davenport

I have used Inspirique Baby Photography twice so far and both times i have been excellently looked after by Jade! I had my maternity shoot at 30 weeks and wasn't feeling my best but jade made me feel so confident and the photos were great! We was not pressured into buying any! We went for our newborn shoot this week and was great to watch jade work with our little girl and she is brilliant with them! She was in safe hands! The service u get is first class and communication is brilliant! Always reply to messages and feel I have been well looked after throughout! Waiting on viewing our newborn photos but happy they will be worth the wait. 100% recommend Inspirique to anyone!

Melissa Robinson

I message Jade right at the last minute for a new born shoot. She fitted me in straight the way , Jade was really good with my son and the photos she's taken I love them so happy with the service thank you jade , can’t wait for the next shoot thank you


I went in to this photo shoot not really knowing what to expect & fairly nervous about getting my clothes off with a stranger. But as soon as Jade invited us in to her studio she made both my partner & myself feel so comfortable. Jade is such a lovely lady, she made me feel so confident! I wasn’t convinced I’d like the photos as I felt a bit silly doing some of the poses, but now I have had my beautiful baby girl and have viewed the photos they are amazing and I’m so proud that I carried her, also captured my baby bump in the most perfect way. Brilliant way to remember/ look back on my bump!!! (As you do forget how big you can get.) I can’t recommend Jade enough, thank you so much for our forever photos.


I’ve seen Jade twice; I visited Jade a couple of months back for a maternity photo shoot, as I wanted to capture some timeless images during my first pregnancy. Jade was so professional and friendly she put me at ease throughout, as I spent most of the shoot in my underwear and some shots I was nude (which for most women would be an apprehensive thought even without being 7/8 months pregnant). I was able to be clear about what type of photos I wanted to create, and got to choose which outfits to wear, I only needed to bring black and white underwear, everything else was provided for. I also opted for the powder photo where Jade’s lovely assistant threw flour over me to get a beautiful shot, and didn’t mind at all that her clothes were also covered in flour in the process.

My second visit was a few weeks ago when I took my 3 week old baby boy for his newborn shoot. Again Jade was very professional and spoke to me and my husband about the type of photos we wanted and colour backdrops, outfits we wanted to use, if any. She handled Joel with care and worked to his timetable- we stopped when nappy changing and feeding was needed. We were both very pleased at the end result and couldn’t choose which photos to have so we had them all!

I’d definitely recommend x

Gemma Payne

Myself and my partner went to choose our photo package yesterday and all I can say is WOW!! The photos are absolutely perfect! I love each and everyone of them. When Jade sat us down to watch the slide show of Rosie and the family pictures it brought me to tears. It made me realise that our long journey of IVF, all the injections and hard times was a distant memory as we have our beautiful little Rosie now apart of our family finally. For me the pictures capture every last detail of how precious Rosie is to us and how our family is complete. I will treasure the pictures forever. The family photos are amazing and the picture of all 3 of our girls is incredible. I can honestly say you can tell Jade loves her job, she adds that small personal touch to every picture taken, every set up she chooses, and every position she places your baby in and you wouldn’t get anywhere else. An incredible person and an incredible photographer. Thank you again Jade for the beautiful photos and we cannot wait to use you again.

James Clayton

Excellent service and jade is so good with little ones. Had some amazing photos and even ordered a large glass picture for the wall at home. All packages are value to money and no pressure to buy. Would defiantly recommend. Thanks Jade


We booked in with Jade for the newborn photo shoot, when our Daughter was 2 weeks old. We hadn’t experienced anything like this before, and didn’t know what to expect. Jade made us feel very welcome and relaxed and explained everything to us along the way. There was no time limit for the photo shoot, which made us feel at ease. The photo shoot was a lovely experience and we would definitely do it again. When viewing the photos, it was a very calm atmosphere. Jade made us feel very relaxed when choosing our photos, and didn’t make us feel rushed at all. Choosing our photographs was very difficult as they were all beautiful! 
We are so happy with our photographs and canvas! Thank you Jade.


Thank you very much for the lovely images you took of Isabel they are beautiful. Also thank you for allowing us to have a 2nd attempt at the photo shoot as Isabel was a little upset and not her bubbly self you were amazing. I will highly recommend you to all others out there, friends and family. Can't thank you enough.

Andy Martin

Jade was absolutely incredible, she made the whole process easy. Jade was very professional and understood everything we wanted. Her flexibility made it easier for us especially having a new born. Would highly recommend to anyone who wanted to capture those special early days. 10/10 thank you x


I wanted to capture the beautiful experience of pregnancy. As soon as we met Jade she put me and my family (husband and toddler) at ease. She was very friendly and professional, took us through the process with patience. I had used one of the dress and head piece from her amazing maternity collection for the maternity shoot.

We also had our newborns photoshoot done few weeks ago. Again she was brilliant with him and handled the session with thorough professionalism. All the props she used for the shoot were so beautiful we couldn’t wait to see the results! It was more than we had expected. Both me and my husband are very happy with the whole experience.

We would definitely recommend!


We recently did a cake smash for our 1 year old daughter. The whole experience was really fun and our daughter instantly took to Jade. Thank you again for making her 1st birthday so memorable.


Would just like to say a massive thank you to jade for the amazing photos. You did an amazing job. You was very helpful in letting us have a second attempt as Isabel would not play ball the first time. I'm one happy mummy.



THANK YOU!!! Jade was amazing with our little boy Charlie. She was so patient settling him, resulting in some absolutely fab pics. All of which was fascinating to watch from jade soothing him to positioning him. We can not wait now to show off the prints. Thank you again. We will be back.


Amazing photos from the mini newborn shoot!! We really struggled to choose which 3 to have as they were all adorable. Jade really had to work for the shots she got as Penelope was really not playing ball bless her, but all the hard work (rocking and soothing her for over an hour) paid off! She has the patience of a saint! Would highly recommend. We can’t wait to come back and get some more lovely pictures as she gets older! Thank you.


Jade was brilliant with both our children (Florence who was just 2 weeks and Ethan who on that day was every inch a terrible 2). She was so patient and worked her magic and produced a stunning family shot (we’re still stumped as to how she did it) and beautiful portraits of Florence. This was all in the stifling heat and standard newborn poop explosions!! When we returned to choose they were all displayed to help us choose and there was no pressure as to what to have/ spend. We even changed the colours on some to make them work as a group display piece. Really happy and worth every penny also loved the gift bag with little treats as it made it feel much more personal and was a lovely touch x


Thank you for our lovely newborn and sitter photos!


I booked in at Inspirique as a surprise present for my at the time heavily pregnant fiancée! From the get go Jade was an absolute pleasure to work with and was so friendly yet professional! We both aren’t keen on having our photos taken but Jade couldn’t have done more to make us feel comfortable and relaxed. We’ve since received our photos and are over the moon.

I couldn’t recommend Jade (Inspirique) more and have since been for our newborn shoot! Look no further than here if you are after a quality, comfortable photo shoot!


Excellent experience in a warm and welcoming environment. Jade worked wonders with my son Charlie to achieve the perfect shots.

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Inspirique Baby Photography

27A Market Place

Melton Mowbray


LE13 1XD

07951 654 521
All images © 2021 Inspirique
All rights reserved

Emma Platneur


Wow, just wow!!! I am a Mummy of four and after having my last daughter Effie, I finally decided to a have a newborn shoot after seeing Jade’s amazing work. I was not disappointed!!! Not only does Jade provide amazing photography but she makes the whole experience extremely enjoyable and special. Effie was only a few weeks old when we ventured over as a family 6. Effie was handled with care and love and Jade had this magical ability to keep her calm and content throughout the session. Jade was also kind and patient enough to take a picture of all four of our children (literally a genius!!). The way in which our images were displayed for us to choose from was beautiful, personal (and emotional). Everything is done with care. We love our prints and can not recommend Inspirique enough.